To my addiction,
You took everything from me: my family, my friends, my job, my home, my dignity. You were all I thought about from the first thing in the morning to the last thing before I stumbled into sleep. You made me take awful care of myself. My standard of living was disgusting. I ruined my relationship with my parents. All I cared about was you.
I’m thankful I hit rock bottom. I remember the exact day. My 1-year old’s dad had just come home. He had been using and he looked awful. My son looked at him, and then looked at me as if to say, “mommy help.” I knew at that moment that I would never use heroin again. My child would never look at me like that.
I was 10 weeks pregnant with my second son when I found Aspen Center for Women at Arapahoe House. I was ready to get help. I had never been to treatment before, but I knew I was going to give it everything I had. The counselors didn’t judge me, they listened and they helped me. They were there for me and helped me begin to overcome you, my nightmare.
I hate asking for help, you made me ask for help. Before treatment, most of my money was spent on drugs. My son had diapers, but that’s about it. None of it was worth it. Addiction runs in my family, but that’s no excuse. You are always going to be there. I have to fight you every day. But, it’s getting easier.
My 2-year old son and 4-month old son light up my world. They are healthy and thriving. I’m a single mom in recovery determined to make a solid, healthy life for them. I will never go through this again. I will do whatever it takes to stay away from you, addiction.
I get up in the morning now and take pride in what I’m doing and who I am. I’m a recovering heroin addict rebuilding the relationship with my parents and this is the first time I’ve been a real mom. I love it more than anything and I’m getting better at it every day. I’m strong. I’m going to continue to conquer you.